C.H.I.M.P.S. The Case Of The Dastardly Drumsticks
Story and characters © November 22, 2019 by Joshua J. Weremonkey
In this episode, the C.H.I.M.P.S. secret agents attend a concert of a friends band. The band unknowingly has a new drummer that when he plays it ends up controlling the audiences minds. They come to find out that their arch nemesis Raven behind it all. The secret agents have to stop his sinister plot before it is too late.
Characters in this story:
Connor Jackson 18yo; secret agent/sk8r
Jude Coles 18yo; secret agent/sk8r
Andy Drew 18yo; secret agent rookie/student
Weston T. Owens 21yo; secret agent headquarters captain
Matt O'Shannon 19yo; lead singer/guitarist for the band Lit Pumpkins
Duffy McGill 20yo; bass player for the band Lit Pumpkins
Zaylan "Robot" Madden 18yo; drummer; powers: genius, scientist, robot maker
Timothy Chalamore 23yo; multi-millionaire model/actor
Raven 172yo wears his signature Raven bird mask; powers: madman/super villain
******
It was November 22, 2019. With the Thanksgiving holiday right around the corner, secret agents Connor Jackson, Jude Coles and Andy Drew were on the job staked out at an old warehouse. Another agent, Weston T. Owens had told them that he had gotten word that arch villain Raven was planning something there that night. So they sat in the dark, misty night and waited. They were hiding on a grassy knoll behind the warehouse.
Andy said, “You know if we just hid inside the warehouse somewhere we wouldn’t be so cold.”
“If we went inside Raven would sniff us out with that bird beak of his, smart guy,” Connor replied.
“Not if we found a good hiding place, unlike this lame spot.”
“Excuse me Andy rew, but I think I know what I’m doing. I’ve been doing stakeouts since I was 10.”
“Whoop diddy doo! And by the way, what did you just call me?”
“I called you Andy rew. Like it?”
“Yeah, that’s real cute Connor.”
“Whatever. We’re staying here cuz it’s the best spot so there.”
“No it’s the worst spot actually.”
“Give it a rest Andy rew.”
“No way Con.”
“What are you gonna do about it smart boy?”
“Ooh, good comeback.”
Jude glanced with a stern look towards Connor and Andy. They knew that look meant business and Connor and Andy quickly focused back on the stakeout.
Raven was indeed inside the warehouse checking on the progress of his latest sinister plot. Genius scientist and robot builder Zaylan Madden was working in his laboratory. Zaylan kept himself hidden in the shadows because he did not want to reveal all of his inventions to Raven. Zaylan had revenge on his mind towards the secret agents especially Connor but he was not a big fan of Raven either.
Raven asked, “Is that you, Zaylan?”
“Yeah, it’s me.”
“Why don’t you let me get a better look at how you are coming along?”
“Why don’t you take off that bird's nest of a mask?”
“Touché. Okay, now let’s get down to business. Here’s the money you will need to complete the project I’ve requested. I want it done as soon as possible. Remember this benefits you as well. I know how much you want your revenge on Connor since he chose Jude to be his boyfriend over you. With my help Zaylan you will get your revenge.”
“Thank you, Raven. I can assure you that you’ll be impressed with my work. I implanted your subliminal device into my drumsticks successfully. All that attend the concert will be yours.”
“Well, they had better be.”
Raven left Zaylan to his work and sneaked out the back door of the warehouse. Connor, Jude, and Andy noticed him leaving.
Connor said, “Look over there. It's Raven. Come on, we gotta follow him.”
Before they could follow, Raven had disappeared into the misty, dark night.
Andy turned and said, “Uh, Connor I don’t see anyone.”
“What?” Connor looked again. “He was just there. Damn, we really screwed up this stakeout.”
“Yeah, we did. What are we gonna tell Weston?”
“We’ll tell him Raven put the beat down on us before we couldn’t find out what the meeting at the warehouse was all about.”
“Do you think that he’ll believe that?”
“He will if it looks like we were in a fight.”
“But we weren’t.”
“I know.” Connor then punched Andy.
Andy cried, “Hey! I thought we got over our arguing.”
“We did.” Connor then kicked Andy. Andy fell to the ground. “I’m roughing you up to make it look like we were fighting. Get it?”
Andy growled, “Oh I get it.” He jumped up and grabbed Connor’s head between his legs then flipped Connor to the ground. “You mean like that Con?”
Connor rubbed his head. “Ugh, yeah. Just like that.”
Connor and Andy beat each other up, using safety protocols outlined in the secret agent handbook of course. Jude shook his head in disgust at the antics of his fellow secret agents and said, “C'mon, you two knuckleheads. We need to report back to Weston pronto.”
When they arrived back at headquarters, Connor and Andy told Weston their story and he believed it.
Weston said, “Man, you guys really got beaten up tonight. That Raven sure is a tough cookie. Too bad you couldn’t find out why he was there. Well, I’m sure we’ll find out sooner or later. Hopefully not later.”
Connor said, “It's been real. We’re gonna call it a night Weston. See ya later.”
“Okay, agents, make sure to keep your eyes open next time.”
“Will do buckaroo, umm I mean Weston."
Weston rolled his eyes at Connor and said, “Jude, please keep these rapscallions in line. Good night.”
Connor, Jude, and Andy walked home. As they approached Andy’s house, Connor asked, “Hey Andy, my friends from camp are in this punk band and they’re gonna be here tomorrow. So I was wondering if you wanted to go to the concert with Jude and me.”
“Yeah Connor,” Andy replied. “That sounds like fun.”
“Sweet! It's a date. We’ll see you tomorrow.”
“See ya.”
******
The next day Jude came over to Connor’s house. Connor’s mom let him in and told him that Connor was still sleeping. Jude went up to Connor’s room. Jude said, “Come on Connor. Matt the lead singer of the band that we are going to see called me this morning and invited us to the hotel they’re staying in.”
Connor was lying in bed dressed in his scooby doo boxers. He looked like he was in a peaceful dream as his chest slowly moved up and down. Jude took a moment to take in the sight of his boyfriend's great looking body then he sat on top of Connor's stomach and said, “Come on sleepy head wake up.”
Connor rolled over pinning Jude and said, “Pinned ya!”
“At least you’re finally awake.”
“Sorry, I was up late last night.”
“Connor I told you to stay away from those dirty websites late at night.”
“No, I was up late on the stakeout, silly boy.”
“Oh, I know. I was only pulling your leg, Connor.”
“Haha. Is that what you call it, Judicorn? Well, as much as I love you wrestling with me, we need to get ready so we can go meet Matt.”
Connor got off Jude. He said slyly, “Yeah I knew you loved it. Okay, let me change real quick and we can go.”
Connor started to pull down his boxers and Jude averted his eyes. Connor said, “Gee Judicorn, it’s not like you haven’t seen me like this before.”
Jude looked back at Connor. As Connor pulled on a fresh pair of boxers he said jokingly, “I didn’t say stare until your eyes burn out of their sockets.”
“You wish. Come on hurry up.”
Connor finished changing and they both went to meet their friend Matt O’Shannon from the band Lit Pumpkins.” They arrived at the hotel and Matt met them in the lobby. He then took them up to his room.
Matt said, “Wow guys, it’s great to see you again.”
“Good to see you too Matt,” Connor replied.
Jude said, “Hope we can all plan to get together for camp again next summer. It was so much fun last summer.”
Matt said, “Oh dude, wish I could but our manager Preston Pratt has us booked solid for a year ahead. You guys will always have a backstage ticket to any of our shows. Text me anytime you can come. I will make sure Preston gets you set up.”
Connor said, “That's cool, Matt. Thanks. And we understand.”
“Bad enough we’re seniors with a ton of things to do before graduation but I had to start classes late too.”
“At least you get to graduate with us.”
“Yeah, that’s a good thing. Plus, I am living the dream man. You know this is something I’ve always wanted to do. I’m actually touring with my band. It’s so rad ass!”
“That’s so cool Matt. So your drummer Tom Meese isn't on the tour?”
“No, he decided the whole band thing wasn’t really his scene. So we found a new drummer, Mad Max. He is amazing. I'm sure you guys will love him.”
“Cool.”
“So what else is new with you?”
“Well, I would tell you but then I would have to kill you.”
“Haha, okay. My lips are sealed,” Matt said and he put his index finger to his mouth. Will see you guys at the concert then!” “Looking forward to it Matt!" While Connor, Jude and Andy walked home, Raven was busy putting the finishing touches on his latest sinister plot. He snuck into “The Tarrytown Music Hall” where Matt’s band Lit Pumpkins was going to play. Raven set it up so that a subliminal message would be sent out through Zaylan's drumsticks as the band played. He knew that a lot of the kids from school would be there so this would be the perfect place to create his army of mindless minions. Raven finished up his final tests on the system. Then like the creepy bird he is, he hid up in the rafters until the concert started to observe his evil plan as it unfolded.
******
That night Connor, Jude, and Andy were at headquarters getting ready to go out to the concert. Andy walked in and saw Connor and Jude being very flirtatious. Connor saw Andy and asked, “Hey, Andy are you gonna be ready to go?”
Andy replied, “Actually, I don’t think I’m gonna go after all Connor.”
“Why not?”
“I dunno, I’m just not feelin’ it tonight.”
“Matt really wanted you to be there.”
“I know. Maybe I’ll meet up with you guys after the concert.”
“Um, all right. Hope to see you then.”
“Yeah.”
Connor, Jude, and Weston were all set and left to the concert while Andy stayed at headquarters thinking about Connor. He was beginning to have strong feelings towards Connor. Andy knew Jude and Connor were a couple but that fact did not lessen the longing inside his heart.
Connor, Jude and Weston arrived at “The Tarrytown Music Hall” in Sleepy Hollow, New York. It was a historic 843-seat Queen Anne theater built in 1885. It had one of those old-time marquees which added to the ambiance. Connor and Jude had to wear a wrist band to show that they were under 21 since they were both 18. Weston being the old man of the group at 21 did not need one. They were quickly ushered up to a prime spot at the front of the stage per their friend Matt's request. Connor and Weston had seen Lit Pumpkins perform a few times before but this was going to be Jude’s first time. And he was pretty excited because he had heard good things about them. Plus, he always loved punk bands and frequently skated with that genre of music playing in his earpods.
All the band members, Matt, Duffy, and Zaylan who was using the alias Mad Max came out on stage. They were all dressed in black trenchcoats with a Lit Pumpkins icon. They also had heavy makeup covering their faces. Matt got on the mic and said, “What up everybody! The name’s Matt O’Shannon. I’ll be your lead guitar and singer tonight.” The audience applauded. “And give it up for my buddy Duffy McGill on bass!” More applause. “And please give a welcome applause for our new drummer Mad Max!” The audience applauded. “Thank you for having us. This first song is named after a little phrase me and my friends use a lot. It’s called, “Don’t be gross.”
Their song was a punk take on The Electric Light Orchestra song “Don’t bring me down” where they sang grosss instead of grooss. The secret agents and all of the audience were rocking out to the band’s performance.
“This is an amazing show!” Jude said.
“Sure is. That new drummer, Mad Max, looks very familiar even with all that makeup on,” Connor said. “Yeah, he sure does. We better check him out backstage after the show.”
“Yes, indeed we will.”
Meanwhile, Raven decided he should get ready to put his plan into action. After the next song, the audience listening to the music would be subjected to Raven’s subliminal messages. Raven had planned to make all the audience his slaves and make them do whatever he wanted. Having been an outcast for his 700 plus years on planet Earth, Raven's heart had turned cold and rigid long ago. He only found pleasure in other peoples pain and power over anyone in his path.
The first song ended with loud applause. Matt said, “Thank you all so much. All right this next one is an original we wrote that goes out from our hearts to yours. It is called ‘Us.’” As soon as Raven heard that by remote control from the rafters he activated the subliminal message device hardwired inside of Zaylan's drumsticks.
The band began to play as Matt sang:
"When we
met we hit it off
I like how we can talk
'bout anything
I like all the
things u do, you're cool
you're the greatest
person I've ever met
And they may say, 'We're too different
Our love won't last, it wasn't meant.'
but screw those jerks cuz they just do not understand
They can all just get bent
We share a bond
that can't be broken cuz it is just too strong
We share a love
They can't take it, cuz together we belong
From the
moment that we met
I knew I had to get
you alone
Ev'ry moment
I spend in your presence
even if it's silence
I treasure it
And they may say, 'We're too different
Our love won't last, it wasn't meant.'
but screw those jerks cuz they just do not understand
They can all just get bent
We share a bond
that can't be broken cuz it is just too strong
We share a love
they can't take it, cuz together we belong
We share a bond
that can't be broken cuz it is just too strong
We share a love
they can't take it, cuz together we belong"
The audience had no idea the whole time they were enjoying the song that subliminal messages were being sent to their brains. It even affected Matt and Duffy. Zaylan was wearing special earpieces that blocked the messages. Raven swooped down from where he was hiding onto the stage and said, “Hello slaves. You now are under my control. Do you understand? My control!”
The audience repeated in unison and in monotone voices, “We are under your control.”
“Oh, yes!” Raven said with glee as he bounced up and down. Now repeat after me, “Raven is our one and only leader. We love Raven. Raven is perfection.”
“Raven is our one and only leader. We love Raven. Raven is perfection.”
After this sickening display, Raven told the audience to follow him. As he led them out, he noticed that Timothy Chalamore was in the audience. Raven knew that Timothy was the richest guy in town and lived in one of the most fabulous mansions anywhere. Raven decided that would be his new home. So he figured he would lead Timothy and all of the audience there since his own beautiful mansion had been destroyed by those pesky secret agents.
Meanwhile, Andy had gotten lonely and decided to stop by the concert. As he showed up he saw Raven leading the audience outside. Andy ran up to Connor and said, “Hey Connor, what’s going on here?”
Connor replied, “Raven is our one and only leader. We love Raven. Raven is perfection.”
“Connor, what the hell are you talking about?”
“Raven is our one and only leader. We love Raven. Raven is perfection.”
“Yes, we’ve established that. Hmm, it must be some sort of brainwashing.” Andy then saw Raven turn around and spot him. Andy quickly put on a dazed look and started repeating what the others were saying to try and fool Raven. He said, “Raven is our one and only leader. We love Raven. Raven is perfection.”
Raven seeing that nothing was wrong turned back around and continued leading the audience to Timothy’s house.
As they walked, Andy checked to see what special gear he had. He only had his Sonic sound wristwatch and his ballpoint pen greaser.
They all entered the house and Andy snuck off. Raven had all the concert audience busy, working for him. Raven was giddy with all the attention. Then Jude caught his beady, dark eyes. Raven had always thought Jude was really good looking and decided to get to know him a little better. Raven ordered Jude to come to him. Andy saw what Raven had in mind and decided he needed to act quickly. He followed behind Raven and Jude.
Andy took out his ballpoint pen greaser and shouted, “Hey, Raven why don’t you pick on someone who is actually in control of his thoughts?”
Raven saw Andy and realized that he was not under his control. Raven said, “You are no match for me. Remember I am stronger than you puny boy.”
“You may be strong. I can smell your stench way over here but do you have the skills?”
“Ha! What and you do?”
Raven came flying at Andy with all his strength. Andy however, was ready for him. He shot the grease out on the floor in front of him. He then jumped out of the way. As Raven ran over the grease he slipped and fell on his back. Andy grabbed Jude and took him into the house with the others. Raven recovered then he got up and went after Andy again.
Andy knew he couldn’t match Raven’s strength so he had to get to him another way. Raven was too quick for him though and he grabbed Andy. He was being squashed between Raven’s arms.
Raven said, “You see, you shouldn’t have interfered with my plans boy!”
Andy kicked Raven in the crotch and was released from his clutches. Andy put on a special pair of earmuffs and said, “Take this Raven!” He pushed the button on his wristwatch and it let out a small sonic boom. The sonic boom was enough to push Raven into the wall and knock him out.
Andy took the earmuffs off and saw that the sonic boom had also released the audience from the subliminal messages. They were all shaking their heads and rubbing their ears. Andy ran up to Connor, Jude, and Weston. He said, “Oh, Connor you’re okay! Weston you guys are all right! Jude…well...”
Connor yelled, “UH I’M NOT REALLY SURE WHAT YOU JUST SAID BUT THANKS FOR SAVING US.”
“Sure no problem.”
“HUH?”
“I SAID NO PROBLEM! BUT WE SHOULD GO FIND RAVEN BEFORE HE ESCAPES AGAIN.”
“YOU CALLED ME WHAT?”
“NEVERMIND.”
“YEAH WELL WE SHOULD GO FIND RAVEN BEFORE HE ESCAPES AGAIN.”
“I JUST SAID THAT.”
“OKAY, HURRY UP AND USE IT CUZ WE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE.”
Andy shook his head and walked with his friends to find Raven. They couldn’t find him anywhere and figured he must have done another one of his trademark disappearing acts. Zaylan had also gone missing so the secret agents could not question him to find out his identity.
Everyone met up afterward at their favorite restaurant Horsefeathers. The restaurant had a unique charm with this cool mural featuring various authors including Washington Irving plus the burgers there were to die for. Their hearing was coming back a little better now so they could talk without yelling.
Connor said, “Hey, Matt sorry we didn’t get to spend this night under better circumstances.”
“Well, living in Sleepy Hollow, we’re all used to weird things happening. Although I still don’t understand how Andy was able to save us all.”
Andy chuckled nervously, “Heh heh, beginner’s luck I guess.”
Matt asked, “You guys aren’t like secret agents are you?”
Connor said, “Why would you think that?”
The waitress came up to the table at the perfect tme to help change the subject and she asked, “What would you guys like to order?”
Everyone ordered a burger with chips except for Andy who asked, “It's getting close to Thanksgiving so do you have drumsticks?”
Connor, Jude, Matt, and Weston all moaned loudly as Andy burst out in laughter.
******
Connor, Jude, Weston, and Andy spent the next few days with their friends Lit Pumpkins celebrating the Thanksgiving holiday. Afterward, the band had to leave and finish their tour. They all said their goodbyes and hoped to see their friends again soon. Connor had been able to keep his identity as a secret agent a secret from Matt and Duffy. He felt bad keeping it from his good friends but knew it was part of the job.
Meanwhile, Raven and Zaylan were watching Connor on a monitor. They were using a robotic camera that Zaylan had recently invented following Connor's every move. All Zaylan could do as he watched Connor was purse his lips tightly as the rage inside him grew. Raven said with menace in his voice as he glared into the screen, “Have your fun now Connor, soon you won’t have any time for fun and games. You’ll see being a secret agent is a serious job. Soon I’ll get my revenge on you Connor Jackson and your secret agent buddies too!"